call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
