he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
