Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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