So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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