i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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