:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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