My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
