You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
