I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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