Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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