Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
