Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
