if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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