wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
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