Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
