Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
