My hand turned me down
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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