I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
