her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i wish my penis had a tongue
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
