she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
