You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
