you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
