I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
