why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
