I must be too annoying 4 u.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
