At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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