the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
