It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
