What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
