so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
