Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
