I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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