got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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