I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What drink are we having for lunch?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
