You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
