His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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