He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
