Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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