Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
