Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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