It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
