I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
