it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
