Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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