i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
