And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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