I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You took a bar mat shot.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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