Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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