I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
