Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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