so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
