I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
