Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just had sex on a roof
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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