so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
