Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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