I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just had sex on a roof
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
