You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
