We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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