just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It's Friday. Sex?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
