The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
